man globe

Ever found yourself in a situation where you are blindsided by someone's bad behavior and are suddenly thrown into a downward spiral? Or maybe you are guilty of bad behavior and want to run and hide! Perhaps an unfortunate or frustrating event occurs unexpectedly. This type of thing happens to all of us at one time or another and there are ways through it. There seem to be three basic types of upsets from which all our upsets stem: Unfulfilled Expectations, Thwarted Intentions, and Undelivered Communications. Simply knowing about these upsets and being able to recognize them are powerful tools.

We must realize we're in such a situation by recognizing it for what it is: a common upset between two people or a typical unfortunate or frustrating circumstance we experience. These are a normal part of life that we don't need to resist. They will happen!

Be willing to pause and take a breath before doing or saying anything, in order to decide which type of upset this is, so that you can focus on the best approach. By doing this you can, to a certain degree, immediately diffuse the situation.

If it's an upset with someone you love or need to stay in relationship with, and you find yourself physically shaking, you can tell them that you need time to think about it and will get back to them. Then walk away temporarily to avoid further upset. When you feel strong enough, you can tell them you're sorry they feel that way and ask them what they think they need to resolve the situation, even if you feel they're wrong. The goal is to stay in communcation and work though the issue. We all need someone to simply listen to us when we're upset.

If you're in a frustrating circumstance, like waiting in line at the DMV or having a misunderstanding with someone in person or on the phone, the first thing to remember is whoever you're talking to is usually not the actual problem, so there's no need to yell at them! This is where the breathing and calm demeanor come in handy. Keep calmly asking questions to get all the info and then make the best decision possible. Often there's more than one opportunity to set things right.

Always try to focus on the positive aspects of every situation so that the negatives won't take over. Upsets are very common so there's no need to get completely overwrought and hopeless. Try to find the humor in every situation!